White Mocha Theorem

I am testing a new Theory: All people who drink White Mochas are predisposed to poor attitudes and have underdeveloped coffee palates.

My theory finds it roots in the following facts :

  1. When making 1000+ drinks a day, it is inevitable that mistakes will be made and some customers will be dissatisfied with their beverage. Of those who return (or call) and complain about their beverage, 98.491% are White Mocha drinkers.
  2. People who enjoy the taste of White Mochas generally do not enjoy the taste of actual coffee. See common complaints:
  • It’s not sweet enough. (Mind you, the White Mocha is the sweetest syrup on the Starbucks menu.)
  • I don’t want to taste the coffee, I want to taste the chocolate!
  • There’s too much coffee taste in here.

I don’t declare these truisms with coffee snobbery; They simply are.

Adding complexity my theory, however, are those who modify the Basic White Mocha. For instance, those who might add peppermint or request nonfat milk. I can immediately bring to mind a number of customers in this category (Modified White Mocha) who are kind, friendly, and nothing like their Basic White Mocha counterparts.

As I continue to conduct in-the-field research and interview subjects, I will keep you posted on any changes to the theorem. Maybe someday we can find the answers we so desperately seek .

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3 thoughts on “White Mocha Theorem”

  1. LOVE IT! I read this this morning. I just got back from Starbucks where they asked me if I wanted a free White Mocha because the lady “just drove off.” They were laughing at whatever the reason was and I was laughing thinking about what you said.

  2. I’m 50/50 on your theory. I love white mochas. I fit in your “typical” group because I’m not a huge coffee fan (but sugar and caffeine? I’m in!), but I definitely have a positive attitude. I would never complain about a drink, even if it wasn’t the way I was used to it. I used to work in food service, I hated those people.

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