Your Filthy Lid Tongs

Thanks to Cam for the submission!

A man is in line and he shouts across the counter “Do y’all still have decaf or is it that pour over crap?”

Store manager : “we stop brewing it at noon, but we can do a pourover for you”

Man : “I don’t want hot water based coffee, I want the real thing”

Store manager : (in the kindest voice) “well sir, that’s how our coffees are all brewed is hot water pouring through the grounds, filter, and into your cup”

Man : “there’s no need to get attitude, I don’t want you touching my drink, you’ll probably put something in it!”

Store manager : (obviously bothered but maintaining a cool, calm, and collective attitude) sir, I would never do such a thing but I will absolutely let someone else take care of that for you.”

Man : “I can’t believe this place actually touches the customers lids with their hands!!”

(Our lid tongs were dirty soooo…)

He proceeds to come down to the bar end (while I’m making two frappuccinos for two ditzy teenage girls) and says to them

“Look at that. He’s touching your lid with his bare hands…and you’re going to drink from that?”

Teenage girl : “uuuum…well…like, he gives me a straw, so…”

Man : obviously realizing he looks ignorant “oh. Well, still that’s unsanitary” walks out


How I Truly Feel

Dear Lady who ordered TWO INCHES of caramel in the bottom of your drink,

I am judging you right now.

Your horrified barista

Pikes Place vs. Pikes Peak

A district in Seattle vs. a mountain in Colorado.

These are two distinct geographical regions. If you come into my Starbucks and ask for a “Grande Pikes Peak”, I will kindly serve you the coffee you meant to ask for, and I will secretly want to hand you a map.


The “I haven’t been to church in awhile” smile

No lie.  My daughter works at Starbucks in Denver and she told me this little diddy:

Customer in her 70’s walks in with make up piled on high and smeared red lipstick.

Barista: Good morning!  Welcome to Starbucks.  What can I get you this morning?

Customer: My what a lovely smile you have.

Barista: Thank you very much!

Customer: That is the kind of smile you get from not going to church very much!

Barista: there are no words….

It’s Not Easy Being Green

So a girl with a plant walks into a bar…

Wait, wrong joke.

So a girl with a plant walks into Starbucks. What kind of plant is that, I ask? Dunno, it belongs to my dad, says she…My plant died and it’s National Carry Your Plant Around Day so I borrowed his.

True story.