No lie. My daughter works at Starbucks in Denver and she told me this little diddy:
Customer in her 70’s walks in with make up piled on high and smeared red lipstick.
Barista: Good morning! Welcome to Starbucks. What can I get you this morning?
Customer: My what a lovely smile you have.
Barista: Thank you very much!
Customer: That is the kind of smile you get from not going to church very much!
Barista: there are no words….
No, I do not care to see your new tattoo, but thank you for offering.
Dear Starbucks customer, we’re sorry your lady garments don’t support your lady parts, but you didn’t need to tell us. We can see for ourselves.
Ooooh, the shenanigans people were up to this weekend! Here’s the highlight reel:
1) Dear Annoying Phone Borrower, just because we let you use our phone every time you come in does NOT mean it’s ok to borrow the phone while sitting in your car at the DT window. (He wanted to place a call to see what his friends wanted since he was here – with our phone. Really?) Consider this:
- See those cars piling up behind you? They are thinking hateful thoughts about you!
- See these baristas with their jaw hanging open? They are stunned beyond words and are also thinking hateful thoughts!
- See those ads for cell phones all over the city? You need one! If you have enough money to come to Starbucks all the time, you have enough to pay your own phone bill.
2) Dear Construction Man Working in the Shop Next Door, no you may not turn off our water for a half hour so you can do your job. We require water to do ours!
3) Dear Santa Double, it is disturbing when you make dirty jokes to the barista at the register.
4) Dear Herd of High School Students Who Hover in Front of the Register But Don’t Order for Eight Minutes, you are nowhere near as cool as you imagine. The only thing that unnerves me more than you approaching are Herds of Hot Chocolate-Drinking Shoppers on Black Friday.
5) Dear Wife of Unknown Former Starbucks Employee, thank you for randomly delivering a pound of Sharpies through the DT window. You gave me hope for the goodness of humanity and the strength to serve all the others.
Just had a customer whip out four pairs of new panties from a Target bag to show me. To be fair, I think she was a few coffee beans short of a batch, but does that excuse her from displaying her undies on my counter? She was GENUINELY EXCITED to share her new britches with me. I guess that’s *okay*; I get excited about new drawers, too.
Feb 22, 2010
*Addendum to this post: I like to incorporate pictures into my posts whenever possible. That said, I do not recommend Googling images for “fun panties.” At least not publicly.
Think I may have caused marital discord by asking a lady if she wanted her usual breakfast in front of hubby. He was unaware of her habit.
You know the conversation is going downhill once the customer brings up the subject of her right nostril.