I’m Not Available

Ewww. I got hit on by a 50-year old security officer at Starbucks yesterday.

I was sitting in a booth doing a little studying before my shift when he walked in. He hovered all kinds of weird-like by my table until I made eye contact. We greeted each other. I looked back down to my work. Then:

Larry: “Mind if I join you?” (makes like he’s going to slide in on MY side of the booth.)
Me: “Actually, I’m studying.” (give him a frown-y face.)
Larry: “Ok.”
Leaves to go get coffee, then comes back and sits down opposite me.
Me: (Head down in an UN-welcoming posture. Acknowledge the sit only with a brief and annoyed glance.)
Larry: “So, you’re married?” (Apparently not a believer in beating around the bush.)
Me: Slightest head nod in the negative.
Larry: “Have a boyfriend?”
Me: Staring maybe glaring and nostrils definitely flaring.
Larry: “Maybe I could give you a call sometime?”
Me: “No.” (firmly shaking head in the negative.) “but thanks for asking.” (body language does not, in fact, say “thanks for asking,” but something more along the lines of “buzz off fart face!”)
I return to my studying and he finishes his cake and coffee in silence. Upon leaving, he tries to shake my hand and promises he’ll see me around.

WHY, I ask? Why must men be creepy? Where are the good looking, full of social graces, knowing how to pick up on context clues, witty men in my age bracket?