The Green Apron Gives Medical Advice

Did you hear the one about the lady who came through the drive thru?

Seems like most of my posts are starting off in this vein, but hey, I spend a good chunk of my time in a drive thru window so perhaps it’s okay.

So, really, this lady came through the DT yesterday. She asks me how many shots come in a Venti latte (two). What about a Tall (one). How about a Grande…Is that like one and a half? (no, it’s two, just like the Venti). Well, I’m five foot four. How many shots do you think I can handle?

Stop.

Did someone just ask me to recommend a number of shots based on their size? Yes.

To her question, I reply: You shouldn’t be allowed to have caffeine. I’ve never actually conducted a weight/height to espresso ratio, but I think you’re probably safe with the Grande.

Always Workin for the Weekend

Ooooh, the shenanigans people were up to this weekend! Here’s the highlight reel:

1) Dear Annoying Phone Borrower, just because we let you use our phone every time you come in does NOT mean it’s ok to borrow the phone while sitting in your car at the DT window. (He wanted to place a call to see what his friends wanted since he was here – with our phone. Really?) Consider this:

  1. See those cars piling up behind you? They are thinking hateful thoughts about you!
  2. See these baristas with their jaw hanging open? They are stunned beyond words and are also thinking hateful thoughts!
  3. See those ads for cell phones all over the city? You need one! If you have enough money to come to Starbucks all the time, you have enough to pay your own phone bill.

2) Dear Construction Man Working in the Shop Next Door, no you may not turn off our water for a half hour so you can do your job. We require water to do ours!

3) Dear Santa Double, it is disturbing when you make dirty jokes to the barista at the register.

4) Dear Herd of High School Students Who Hover in Front of the Register But Don’t Order for Eight Minutes, you are nowhere near as cool as you imagine. The only thing that unnerves me more than you approaching are Herds of Hot Chocolate-Drinking Shoppers on Black Friday.

5) Dear Wife of Unknown Former Starbucks Employee, thank you for randomly delivering a pound of Sharpies through the DT window. You gave me hope for the goodness of humanity and the strength to serve all the others.

Welcome to STARBUCKS

If you ever come through our DT lane, chances are you’ll be greeted with a “Welcome to Starbucks.” This friendly little greeting serves the dual purpose of 1) being welcoming and 2) letting you know where you are.

We had a lady come through today inquiring about our sandwiches. Barista Bobby went through our available selections and Customer Cathy decided on the Turkey & Swiss. That is, until she asked about pickles and found out we didn’t have any. You don’t have PICKLES IN THERE, says she? Nope, no pickles. Isn’t this a Sandwich Shop? You remember when I welcomed you to Starbucks 30 seconds ago? No ma’am, you’re at STARBUCKS . Would you still like the Turkey & Swiss without pickles? No.