Dear Starbucks customer, we’re sorry your lady garments don’t support your lady parts, but you didn’t need to tell us. We can see for ourselves.
Ooooh, the shenanigans people were up to this weekend! Here’s the highlight reel:
1) Dear Annoying Phone Borrower, just because we let you use our phone every time you come in does NOT mean it’s ok to borrow the phone while sitting in your car at the DT window. (He wanted to place a call to see what his friends wanted since he was here – with our phone. Really?) Consider this:
- See those cars piling up behind you? They are thinking hateful thoughts about you!
- See these baristas with their jaw hanging open? They are stunned beyond words and are also thinking hateful thoughts!
- See those ads for cell phones all over the city? You need one! If you have enough money to come to Starbucks all the time, you have enough to pay your own phone bill.
2) Dear Construction Man Working in the Shop Next Door, no you may not turn off our water for a half hour so you can do your job. We require water to do ours!
3) Dear Santa Double, it is disturbing when you make dirty jokes to the barista at the register.
4) Dear Herd of High School Students Who Hover in Front of the Register But Don’t Order for Eight Minutes, you are nowhere near as cool as you imagine. The only thing that unnerves me more than you approaching are Herds of Hot Chocolate-Drinking Shoppers on Black Friday.
5) Dear Wife of Unknown Former Starbucks Employee, thank you for randomly delivering a pound of Sharpies through the DT window. You gave me hope for the goodness of humanity and the strength to serve all the others.
Customers should be seen and not smelled.
I’m sure your perfume smells lovely in small doses, but I don’t want my first whiff when you’re still twenty paces from my register. Tone it down, sister.
Dear customer who accused me of ‘ripping you off’… I don’t remember dragging you out of bed and up here at gunpoint to buy coffee. Good mornin!
Dear parents, please don’t bring your kid’s birthday party in massive waves to Starbucks for a scavenger hunt.
Dear man ordering cheeseburgers, you aren’t funny.
Dear customer, I am laughing with you (but mostly at you) that you forgot the parking break & your car rolled into the landscaping.
Dear Extraordinarily Rude Man, I bet you think I put caffeine in your cappuccino.