One Man’s Trash…

One of the more glamorous aspects of being a barista is taking out the trash. This isn’t just any trash mind you, it’s the People of Starbucks‘ trash. Royal refuse!

Of the dozen or so trash cans in the store, the two most exciting to service are the “women’s only” bin and the drive-thru can. You never know WHAT you’ll find in the latter (and always have a fair idea of the former).

Today I had the pleasure of changing out the DT trash*. Even from inside the store I could tell it was a steaming doozie – trash was bursting forth and even littering the surrounding ground a bit. I armed myself with my favorite pair of yellow flock-lined latex gloves, three large trashbags, and an adventurous spirit.

Starbucks Trash Supplies

Turns out I should have armed myself with blinders, for I tossed open the lid and RIGHT THERE IN MY FACE LYING COVER-SIDE UP was a big ole porn DVD. It’s like the Olsen Twins: I didn’t WANT to look, but I couldn’t help but stare for a second. I have blocked out the title of the video, but suffice to say it involved teens and crazy times with lawn equipment. <shudder>

This whole episode begs the question: WHO would throw away porn at the Starbucks Drive-Thru and why would they choose THAT MOMENT, fresh out of the line and tasty beverages in hand, to discard it? I don’t know.

But we served them coffee.

Always Workin for the Weekend

Ooooh, the shenanigans people were up to this weekend! Here’s the highlight reel:

1) Dear Annoying Phone Borrower, just because we let you use our phone every time you come in does NOT mean it’s ok to borrow the phone while sitting in your car at the DT window. (He wanted to place a call to see what his friends wanted since he was here – with our phone. Really?) Consider this:

  1. See those cars piling up behind you? They are thinking hateful thoughts about you!
  2. See these baristas with their jaw hanging open? They are stunned beyond words and are also thinking hateful thoughts!
  3. See those ads for cell phones all over the city? You need one! If you have enough money to come to Starbucks all the time, you have enough to pay your own phone bill.

2) Dear Construction Man Working in the Shop Next Door, no you may not turn off our water for a half hour so you can do your job. We require water to do ours!

3) Dear Santa Double, it is disturbing when you make dirty jokes to the barista at the register.

4) Dear Herd of High School Students Who Hover in Front of the Register But Don’t Order for Eight Minutes, you are nowhere near as cool as you imagine. The only thing that unnerves me more than you approaching are Herds of Hot Chocolate-Drinking Shoppers on Black Friday.

5) Dear Wife of Unknown Former Starbucks Employee, thank you for randomly delivering a pound of Sharpies through the DT window. You gave me hope for the goodness of humanity and the strength to serve all the others.

Snow Day

Where is my store located? It’s a big secret! But I’ll give you a hint: There’s snow on the ground.

Oh wait, that’s not a good hint because it appears there’s snow in the ground in all 50 states. No kidding!

To commemorate Flurry Friday, I did three things:

1) Use the mysterious “Snow” button on the middle console of my SUV. I have no idea what this accomplished, but it was fun to push.

2) Attempt to do donuts in the back parking lot at 6am. Too much snow and (mysteriously) too much traction made this anticlimactic (I tried it both with and without the “Snow” button option).

3) Attempt to build a snow man without the benefit of gloves. Cold hands made this attempt a little anticlimactic as well. Apparently oatmeal cups do not a good hat make.

Though I have not specifically addressed how customers should behave in the DT in snowy conditions, I have covered certain inclement weather procedures in a previous post. Today I feel it necessary to add a rule to this list. It never occurred to me to add this particular rule before, but then, nobody’s ever CROSS-COUNTRY SKIIED down my drive-thru lane.

You think I’m kidding.

I’m not.

She with skis. He with snowshoes. They were a cute couple. But just because you’re cute doesn’t mean it’s safe to ski in the lane. Just sayin.

Mind Reading 101

Just an average day over the drive-thru headset with a loveable customer.

Me: Hello! Welcome to Starbucks!

Confusion: HI! I WANT A TEA! WHATKINDOFTEAISITTHATILIKE? (Pause…..)

Me: Umm, dunno. Never seen you before. Would you like an iced tea or hot tea?

Confusion: IT COMES EITHER WAY! IT’S BERRY! BUT I WANT ICED.

Me: Okay, well we have a green tea, black tea, or passion tea that come iced.

Confusion: NO!

Confusion: IT’S BERRY!

Me: Ummm, maybe our Berry Blossom tea? It’s the only tea we have with “Berry”.

Confusion: NooooooooooooTHAT’S NOT IT.

Me: We have Orange Blossom, Calm, Passion, Refresh, Zen, Awake, Chai…

Confusion: CHAI!

Me: Oh, you want a Chai Tea?

Confusion: IT’S CALLED A BERRY CHAI! YEAH, I WANT THAT!

Me: I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but the Berry Chai was a seasonal drink and we don’t have it anymore.

Confusion: REALLY? I LOVED the BERRY CHAI!!!!!!

Me: Well, you must not have been to see me in awhile because we haven’t had the Berry Chai in over a year.

Confusion: OH. WELL THAT’S BECAUSE I USUALLY DRINK THOSE FRAPP-UH-CHINOS WHEN I COME.

Me: Okay.

Confusion: WELL GIVE ME ONE OF THOSE MOCHA FRAPP-UH-CHINOS! WITH NO WHIP CREAM!

Me: Yes, ma’am. I’ll get that ready for you. Come on down to the window.

Confusion: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DON’T HAVE BERRY CHAIS NO MORE.

Confusion: DO YOU THINK THEY’LL BRING THOSE BERRY CHAIS BACK?

Me: Are we still having this conversation? I don’t know, but you can always go to the Starbucks website and let them know how much you love it and you’d like to see it again.

Confusion: Did you get NO WHIP CREAM ON THAT FRAPP-UH-CHINO?

Me: I’m not deaf. Yes, ma’am.

She finally came to the window and, believe it or not, she was still not finished discussing how wonderful the Berry Chai was, although she hadn’t attempted to order one in over a year. She also confirmed 2x more that I was not putting whip cream on her beverage. Check.