Open Mouth, Insert Slip-Resistant Footwear

Today’s episode of Customer Interaction is a classic tale of polite conversation gone awry.

I walked into the store after being out for a break and noticed that the “comfy chair” area near the front looked like a disaster. Half-consumed beverages and torn-up napkins littered the the table top. The floor was scattered with an entire croissant’s worth of crumbs.

I made a beeline for the broom and dustpan and began to tidy up the area. Before I could finish, a woman and her young daughter walked in and sat down. I started to make friendly conversation, ’cause that’s what I do. It went like this:

Me: {sweeping} Hey! Welcome to Starbucks! I was just picking up this spot so you’d have a nice clean place to relax.

Me: {sweeping still} Just before you walked in, it looked like a TORNADO blew through here.

Her: {deadpan face} I think that tornado was us.

Me: {Horrified inside. How was I supposed to know they’d just left and RETURNED FOR MORE DAMAGE?}

Me: {I glance at toddler who’s cramming more pastry in her mouth and looks like the spawn of something awful.} Well it must have been a CUTE LITTLE TORNADO, ’cause you’re CAH-UTE!

Her: {crickets}

Me: {Retreated to the bar and helplessly watched as the Tornado continued to wreak havoc, smearing her tiny prints all over the glass door and leaving more crumbs in her wake.}

Is there a moral to this story? Probably not. At least I wasn’t complaining about the Tornado as that would have created an even more awkward situation.

(Image used courtesy of Fema for Kids.)

To Biscotti Or Not?

I know most of you come to Starbucks for parenting advice (especially from childless baristas). As such, here’s a tidbit I hope you find helpful.

When a 3-year old is pestering you for a biscotti and you are hogging up valuable real-estate directly in front of the cash register, do one of two things:

  1. Say Yes.
  2. Say No.

Do NOT proceed to ask your child SIX TIMES whether or not they will “eat the whole thing” or “eat a bite and not want it anymore.” If the child is incapable of answering this question the first three times, there’s a high likelihood she will not produce an answer if you ask thrice more. You are the parent. Be decisive on behalf of your child.