Where’s My Paper, Boy?

We sell the NY Times right alongside the FW Star Telegram at my store. Coffee plus news: Not an overly imaginative combo, but clearly meeting the needs of our customers. Well, most customers.

I just noticed the notes last week, but, according to employees, they’ve been appearing for over a month now. They are hand-written on memo paper and TAPED to my newspaper stand; Little angry comments from an uphappy NY Times customer to the NY Times delivery guy. (Because, you know, there’s only one paper boy in Fort Worth AND he checks my stand for his personal mail daily. )

The notes always include:

  1. The subscriber’s home address
  2. Continued disappointment with failure to receive paper, despite subscription
  3. A sarcastic-cum-witty remark (i.e. “Am I going to have to help you deliver those papers?”)

The notes never include:

  1. The subscriber’s name
  2. Decent punctuation
  3. An indication that the subscriber is sane

I’ve found three of these this week. I am tempted to drop off a week’s worth of old papers (and maybe a flaming bag of poo) on his doorstep since I have his address. This guy is clearly unhappy with his service. Why not drop the subscription and buy one at Starbucks everyday (he’s making the trip already!)? Better yet, why not CALL CUSTOMER SERVICE?

I’ve been throwing the notes away, but the next one I find (oh, there will be another), I think I’ll post on http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/.


He’ll have the Zucchini

A lady came in yesterday and asked for a tall coffee and a slice of the zucchini walnut loaf. Without any prompting, she added that the loaf was for her schnauzer.

I followed her gaze out the window and, sure enough, there was a schnauzer sitting in a patio chair, grinning stupidly. She laughed and said “he told me he wanted to come to Starbucks!” I asked her how she came to determine that the dog preferred the zucchini loaf over, say, the cranberry orange loaf (had he told her?). She shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t know. He just really likes the zucchini.”

True Story

The following is a real conversation I had today:

Customer: “Bee.”
Me: “I’m sorry, what?”
Customer: “There’s a BEE.”
Me: Angling to see his perspective out the window. “A bee? Outside?”
Customer: “No.” Offers no additionally helpful information.
Me: Finally see the bee crawling inside the window. “Oh! A bee.”
Customer: Stares at me expectantly.
Me: Thinking, “Well give me a second while I go get my bee mask.”

<awkward pause>

Me: “Umm. Ok. I’ll get a napkin.”
Random Person in Line: “Oh, don’t kill the bee. He’s not hurtin anybody.”

<pregnant pause>

Me: Shrug shoulders in direction of customer and decide to go with Random Person’s suggestion, as would clearly prefer to avoid potential bee sting situation.

2 minutes later…

Me: Walk by Customer’s table to restock condiment bar.
Customer: “If somebody in here’s allergic to bees, you’re gonna see some real action.”
Me: Did he actu
ally just say, “real action?” Trying very hard to supress snickers until out of customer’s sight.