Always Workin for the Weekend

Ooooh, the shenanigans people were up to this weekend! Here’s the highlight reel:

1) Dear Annoying Phone Borrower, just because we let you use our phone every time you come in does NOT mean it’s ok to borrow the phone while sitting in your car at the DT window. (He wanted to place a call to see what his friends wanted since he was here – with our phone. Really?) Consider this:

  1. See those cars piling up behind you? They are thinking hateful thoughts about you!
  2. See these baristas with their jaw hanging open? They are stunned beyond words and are also thinking hateful thoughts!
  3. See those ads for cell phones all over the city? You need one! If you have enough money to come to Starbucks all the time, you have enough to pay your own phone bill.

2) Dear Construction Man Working in the Shop Next Door, no you may not turn off our water for a half hour so you can do your job. We require water to do ours!

3) Dear Santa Double, it is disturbing when you make dirty jokes to the barista at the register.

4) Dear Herd of High School Students Who Hover in Front of the Register But Don’t Order for Eight Minutes, you are nowhere near as cool as you imagine. The only thing that unnerves me more than you approaching are Herds of Hot Chocolate-Drinking Shoppers on Black Friday.

5) Dear Wife of Unknown Former Starbucks Employee, thank you for randomly delivering a pound of Sharpies through the DT window. You gave me hope for the goodness of humanity and the strength to serve all the others.

Mind Reading 101

Just an average day over the drive-thru headset with a loveable customer.

Me: Hello! Welcome to Starbucks!

Confusion: HI! I WANT A TEA! WHATKINDOFTEAISITTHATILIKE? (Pause…..)

Me: Umm, dunno. Never seen you before. Would you like an iced tea or hot tea?

Confusion: IT COMES EITHER WAY! IT’S BERRY! BUT I WANT ICED.

Me: Okay, well we have a green tea, black tea, or passion tea that come iced.

Confusion: NO!

Confusion: IT’S BERRY!

Me: Ummm, maybe our Berry Blossom tea? It’s the only tea we have with “Berry”.

Confusion: NooooooooooooTHAT’S NOT IT.

Me: We have Orange Blossom, Calm, Passion, Refresh, Zen, Awake, Chai…

Confusion: CHAI!

Me: Oh, you want a Chai Tea?

Confusion: IT’S CALLED A BERRY CHAI! YEAH, I WANT THAT!

Me: I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but the Berry Chai was a seasonal drink and we don’t have it anymore.

Confusion: REALLY? I LOVED the BERRY CHAI!!!!!!

Me: Well, you must not have been to see me in awhile because we haven’t had the Berry Chai in over a year.

Confusion: OH. WELL THAT’S BECAUSE I USUALLY DRINK THOSE FRAPP-UH-CHINOS WHEN I COME.

Me: Okay.

Confusion: WELL GIVE ME ONE OF THOSE MOCHA FRAPP-UH-CHINOS! WITH NO WHIP CREAM!

Me: Yes, ma’am. I’ll get that ready for you. Come on down to the window.

Confusion: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DON’T HAVE BERRY CHAIS NO MORE.

Confusion: DO YOU THINK THEY’LL BRING THOSE BERRY CHAIS BACK?

Me: Are we still having this conversation? I don’t know, but you can always go to the Starbucks website and let them know how much you love it and you’d like to see it again.

Confusion: Did you get NO WHIP CREAM ON THAT FRAPP-UH-CHINO?

Me: I’m not deaf. Yes, ma’am.

She finally came to the window and, believe it or not, she was still not finished discussing how wonderful the Berry Chai was, although she hadn’t attempted to order one in over a year. She also confirmed 2x more that I was not putting whip cream on her beverage. Check.

To Biscotti Or Not?

I know most of you come to Starbucks for parenting advice (especially from childless baristas). As such, here’s a tidbit I hope you find helpful.

When a 3-year old is pestering you for a biscotti and you are hogging up valuable real-estate directly in front of the cash register, do one of two things:

  1. Say Yes.
  2. Say No.

Do NOT proceed to ask your child SIX TIMES whether or not they will “eat the whole thing” or “eat a bite and not want it anymore.” If the child is incapable of answering this question the first three times, there’s a high likelihood she will not produce an answer if you ask thrice more. You are the parent. Be decisive on behalf of your child.

People Just Don’t Listen

Here’s my typical greeting at the DT speaker: “Hi! Welcome to Coffee Shop! My name is Carrie! Can I get you a ——–?!” I say this minimum hundred times per shift.

As you might guess, I get tired of suggesting Tea Infusions, Hot Sandwiches, and Caramel Macchiatos, so every once in a while I like to switch it up, you know, play with folks a bit. The trouble is, people are so trained to ignore the first words out of my mouth that most of the time they don’t even register what I say (unless I am using a strange tone of voice, which I also like to do sometimes).

In honor of the impending severe weather warnings today, I suggested an “Iced Venti Hail Storm” to a customer. What did she say? “Um, no, I’d like a two-pump nonfat mocha with six splendas. Grande.”

To another, “Would you like to try our new Tornado Tea Infusion?” In reply, “I don’t think so…”

So, here’s the moral of the story and lesson #1 in DT etiquette: Next time you roll into a DT, pause and listen to the person. They may be dull, monotone, and hating their jobs, or, they may be overly perky and obnoxious. Either way, don’t ignore them. It’s not nice.

Stay tuned to future posts for my Official Drive Thru Etiquette Guide. It’s sure to be educational and annoying!